What to do if he wants less sex than you? Dating

The sex stigma that surrounds relationships usually points in what sounds like “I am”
not in the mood “or” I’m too tired. “

Many assume that men are the ones who initiate sex

Dr. Sarah Hunter Murray is a registered marriage and family therapist with a PhD. in man
Sexuality and the author of “Not Always In The Mood: The New Science of Men, Sex &
Relationships “

She says,

“Current heterosexual gender norms suggest that men are the ones who initiate sex
Activity while women act as gatekeepers saying yes or no. “

“However, my research and clinical experience suggests that it is by no means uncommon for men to have low or decreased desire, and almost all men find themselves in times when they don’t really want to have sex, be it because they do are tired, sick or emotionally separated from their partner, ”she adds.

Saying no to a woman can be detrimental to both self-confidence and self-esteem. Men
seem to take it better as this is the stereotypical norm in heterosexual relationships.

“Women who initiate sex and men who say no to their progress go against the grain and can make both partners feel less than optimal,” says Sarah.

“To the woman, she may feel that her partner is not attracted to her or that something is wrong with their relationship.”

It’s perfectly understandable that sex becomes less and less later in the relationship. The
Having the pressures of life like children and maintaining a professional career can be very easy
the toll on a couple’s sex life.

Without this pressure during the honeymoon, having less sex can raise the alarm
Concerns and lead to harmful effects.

“If something happens on a regular basis, women can project their concerns by criticizing their male partner, questioning their sexuality and / or masculinity,” Sarah adds.

For women young and old, this can lead to many unwanted thoughts such as feelings of guilt, shame, and feelings of rejection.

Talk about the effects of rejection

Sarah also says

“Some women may withdraw, feel emotionally hurt because they are sexually rejected, withdraw from initiating sex, and are receptive to their partner’s future sexual advances.”

times are changing

The National Youth At Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS) found that students within
The United States has less sex today than in decades past. Sexual activity from 1991 to 2017
has fallen from 54% to 40%.

This will of course be a joy for both parents and educators, but it can highlight the fact
that young couples become less sexually active.

Reasons for this can be the overuse of social media and digital distractions such as
Pornography and Netflix.

Simply put, it seems less stressful staying in than going out and mingling with him
potential sexual partners.

If you create these habits early on, it is possible that they will persist for a period of time

From a woman’s point of view, these issues can be more alarming because the EU rejects them
The guy is not the traditional flow.

As Dr. Sarah Hunter Murray puts it, “go against the grain”. When this cycle of unhealthy sexual rejection begins, it can easily lead to a persistent problem of inactivity.

Sarah says:

“Some women can also withdraw, feel emotionally hurt because they are sexually rejected, withdraw from initiating sex, and are receptive to their partner’s future sexual advances.”

Alarm bells

Experience sexless encounters during the time the hormones and chemicals are in place
When both partners are flowing well, no matter who is to blame, they feel frustrated.

Julie Lorenz is a Melbourne-based sex therapist who has worked with couples for over 26 years
Years dealing with many topics including genderless relationships.

When she talks about sexual issues early in a relationship, she says

“I think it should ring alarm bells. It is not a good sign in the early stages of a relationship when a man is physically not interested in you. “

Aside from being out of the mood, other factors can play a role

“Before you get too bothered, check to see if performance anxiety is a factor,” she adds.

Another reason could be the convenience of pleasing yourself and not your partner

“Some men get used to meeting their needs on their own without meeting a partner’s needs and get a little lazy,” says Julie.

She also mentions everyday life in a professional career

“I think a lot of young people prioritize work, which is very admirable on one level, but sometimes to the detriment of their relationship.”

A common problem for Julie during her practice has been the men’s constant need to achieve this
their joys in other areas, away from their partner “Women come to me often
Complain that their partners are not interested in sex or cannot maintain an erection.

I think this is due to excessive porn use and although I have no moral judgment on it
Activity when it becomes too compulsive and abandoned, this visual stimulation of the
Synapses in the brain create the nerve pathways to need this type of stimulation, and it can
Be destructive with a real sexual life situation, ”she says.

This problem is just another digital distraction that is the current generation of young adults

Unfortunately, in many cases, convenience overtakes effort and intimacy.

On the other hand, there is some time to resolve these issues early on
without the many distractions in life that arise later in life.

Digital distractions are a common factor when dealing with young couples. It is important
Take that on board along with other potential problems.

“I think we need to have some screen free time. Even when you watch TV
People can have their iPad or phone on their lap, insanely typing, or connecting with others on Facebook or other outlets, ”she says.

“The distraction of screens is a real barrier to emotional intimacy, and that’s a real barrier to sexual intimacy.”

A good place to start is to put the phones down, focus on each other, and let nature take its course.

A lock to discover

With the current situation of Covid-19, couples spend more time together. For some it is
can be a great opportunity to really discover yourself and solve your problems. For others
It can be harmful and it can be the lack of space they may or may not have.

It’s important to see what changes, no matter how little, can be done for your relationship.
Like what Julie highlighted “Screen distractions are a real barrierr“So let’s keep them to one

When love and attraction are three, the rest will follow.

If not, “Before you invest too much, be clear about it,” adds Julie.

“Maybe a bubble bath and a glass of champagne before I get it
again out there is what is needed. “

Authors bio

Richard Young is a freelance writer based in Melbourne, Australia. Born in Ireland, he moved overseas in 2015 and started his writing journey. Through traveling and living overseas, cultural and social differences as well as the social changes in multicultural countries are discussed.

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