She had recently become dissatisfied with her job and we had problems because of it. Then her former boss called her and out of the blue offered her a job – her dream job. The first week she started a diet and all I heard was all about “Steve”. I’m jealous. I snuck into his Facebook and we even look alike. Was I just a substitute for him? I need help deciding what to do. Should I confront them? Are you encouraging them to stop? She seems so happy when she talks to him on the phone. – Common law
If you believe that Steve happened to be offered Darlene a dream job out of the blue and she was feeling particularly unhappy about her job at the time, it was a great coincidence and by no means the result of continuous communication and feelings between them that I have a bridge to you for sale. Darlene is not being honest with you and your relationship is not solid. You two didn’t fight because she became dissatisfied with her job. You need to talk to her and find out why she was unhappy and why your relationship was having problems. This is not about work; This is about feelings and engagement, and there are very clear indications that their feelings are not solely yours and that any engagement that you believed you shared with each other was and is being threatened. Be sure to talk to her about it, express how troubling you find her behavior, and if she cannot reassure you in a way that leaves no doubt that her feelings and commitment are only for you and your relationship, then it’s time for MOA.
From the archives (this column was originally published in March 2014)
The problem here is that he says he doesn’t want to marry me until I’m responsible enough. The thing is, I do everything in our house: I get up an hour early to prepare his lunch for work that day, take his bath, make him coffee, and then wake him up for work. Then I get ready. I make dinner every night and it’s ready when he walks through the door. When I’m not cooking, I organize take-aways. I also clean the house – every day – and spend a weekend day cleaning up the whole house. I watch his cricket games on the weekends, which run from 7am to 7pm. I wash his clothes, iron them and hang them in his closet. His ONLY two jobs are: feed the animals and take out the garbage bag every morning (which he doesn’t always do).
What am I missing here? He says I’m not ready to be a wife or a mother because I have no responsibility. What should I do? Is the problem him or me? – wife material
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