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5 educational lessons I learned from the film ‘Search’ Parenting

That may sound bizarre. Because if you saw the film ‘Searching’ (2018 with John Cho), you would definitely not agree with me and say: “The film is about how a parent lost their daughter, which does not set good standards for parenting.” And I agree with each of your words. However, when I watched the film, I realized some of the mistakes I may have made in raising my daughter. Although she is only six years old, the film has a lesson to teach. If I keep making mistakes, my adult daughter may not be able to identify with me. Like many urban-aged parents, I have to keep up to date with the new and the novel.

Parenthood in the age of social media

Parenting in today’s social media age is a daunting task. We have to protect our children on several levels – physically, mentally, emotionally and even psychologically. To take that into account, here are 5 interesting lessons for parents that I learned from the film. ‘Search‘.

Parent lesson 1: Listen to your children

David wasn’t a good listener in the movie. I concluded from this. Even if he was, his daughter did not share her father’s feelings about piano lessons, her encounter with drugs, and other things. When I advise parents to listen to their children, they often reply as we do. Tell us something new ‘. However, listening and listening are two different things. When a child says something, I have seen parents do “hmm, nice” without really paying attention to what the child has to say.

If we respond to our children while reading cell phone updates, watching TV, or (in my case) newspapers, this is not called listening. If we don’t listen to our children, we miss so many things. We may not recognize this, but children understand the fact between listening and listening. If we don’t actively listen, they take a step back. They either try to prove their testimony or gradually stop communicating. When such children grow up, we miss the events in their lives. Parents who actively listen to their children
educate good communicators.

When I meet the mothers of my daughter’s classmates, they often complain that their children don’t keep them up to date on school events. They are surprised that sometimes I even know what color her wife’s outfit is. While some children are sluggish, others cannot even express themselves to their parents. It is best to speak to the children as soon as they return from school. The events are fresh in their heads and they try very hard to share their experiences. Asking direct and open questions is a big help. Instead of questions like “what did you do at school?” Ask questions like, “So what did you like best about school today?” or ‘how are your classmates doing?’ and so on.

Parent lesson 2: Know your friends

Yes, you should be aware of your children’s friends and companions. If David had known all the friends her daughter spoke to or visited, it would have been a little easier for him to find her. There are different types of parents. While some parents casually look after their children’s friendships, others who believe in helicopter parenting keep their friends under control. Such parents keep asking their children about their friends, and even investigating the behavior and nature of friends to ensure that they are suitable for their daughters and / or their son. While this is good to a certain extent, too much research can ruin the friendship and relationship your child tries to build. Then there are a number of parents who think that there is no need for friends because the child has siblings. Sometimes parents try to be friends and don’t want their children to find “other” friends. This is disruptive for the children who come into contact with people who have the same wavelength as them and want to make new friends. Forcing children to find no new friends does some damage to their personality.

In order to learn more about their friends, parents should first behave as friends do. However, this is difficult for teenage parents. Equations of friendship with children are constantly changing these days. With my daughter at the age of 6 I just have to make sure that she doesn’t learn a bad habit from her behavior. This is because she generally doesn’t meet her friends outside of school. But it’s different with parents of teenagers. Such parents can ask their children to keep a diary with a phone number of friends. Parents shouldn’t scrutinize much on this list so that the teenager updates them constantly. If your son or daughter is a little late or does not receive calls, be patient before you call anyone on the list. This could embarrass your child if there is no need to worry.

Read also: Teach your kids an important life lesson

Parenting lesson 3: a different perspective

In the film, David looked at things from his perspective. He understood things based on his perception and conditioning of the mind. And that’s why he accuses his brother-in-law of having done something he never did. When such cases occur regularly, children lose interest in their parents understanding their view of things, which is usually fresh and different. The most discussed “generation gap” plays a role in building perspectives. Parents should learn to see things from the child’s perspective. When I berated my child for not making the letter B curve perfect, my husband asked me to look at things from their perspective. A young child may not understand the nuances as well as we do. That is actually the truth.

When a teenage daughter cries over a ruined friendship, the parent can’t say, “Don’t cry over trifles.” Friendship is a big deal for them. What if, God forbids, your business is ruined, or the cheap dishes you have invested in are damaged? It is the same for the child who loses friendship. Take a deep breath first and try to understand your perspective. Be happy that the daughter opens up to you about her grief. Secondly, listen to the whole thing and then advise yourself to take a neutral stand. Or don’t guess and just be there for her and help her recover. A change of perspective helps to cultivate every kind of relationship.

Parent lesson 4: Building strong communication

Everything comes down to communication. The communication channels should be strong enough so that no nagging is necessary. Make sure from the start that communication is clear, precise and the basis for mutual concern. If David had communicated well with his daughter in the film after her mother’s death, things would have been very different. Things don’t take care of themselves. People have to get involved and remedy extreme events. Instead of blaming the child for not communicating, make sure you politely make them understand the importance of communication.

My tolerance is very low from the start. While trying to keep calm when my child was young, I returned to my old self as soon as she started to understand. However, I noticed that my temper affected the way I and my daughter communicate with each other. So I started to respond to her fools with a smile. Then, when she is normal and is sure that I will not scold her, I ask her about the reason for the mistake she made. She tells me and I realize that it would have been a big mistake if I had scolded her for it.

Parent lesson 5: Pay attention to the use of the Internet

Margot relied on the internet and social media in the film “Search” to communicate freely and to express what she could not do in real life. This is the age of social media. As a parent, you cannot completely prevent your child from not using it or falling prey to its glitz and glamor. However, it can be helpful to let the child know about the dangers and benefits from the start. My daughter likes it when children pretend to play videos on ‘YouTube’. However, I have set a time limit for their use and even days for them to see them. I don’t allow her to watch the videos on her cell phone, but on the laptop. I will also let her do similar activities later so she can enjoy it even more. This makes them aware when watching the videos. Mindfulness in social media is very important.

Second, children learn from their parents’ behavior and habits. If we, as parents, are careful with the internet, our children will no doubt definitely be walking in our shoes. Teenage parents cannot hover around their phones and laptops while exerting tight pressure. However, you can freely discuss what should and should not be seen. Communication also plays an important role here.

Also read: How can non-working mothers add value to their lives?

Finally

Watching the film “Search” opened my eyes and let me see the role of parents, family, cousins ​​and friends in the lives of children. These people make up the children’s world and should therefore be careful and attentive in their actions. Small deeds go a long way and make it easier for parents to educate and for children to live. Have fun parenting with these parenting lessons!

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