The trip. Impressive. Sometimes that seems like a very difficult and hard word. “Travel” means traveling from one place to another. A line from point A to point B. From one destination to another.
The arrival of a single mother is different for all of us.
Maybe there was an abusive or toxic marriage. Maybe there was mental instability or addiction that was present in a dangerous marriage. Maybe the trip was transferred to you without warning. Perhaps you mistakenly thought that everything was fine, and suddenly your husband announced that he was not happy and is leaving. For others, this single mother transition trip was a sudden stop to an otherwise healthy and happy marriage because one spouse had passed away. There are countless ways you can get here.
Regardless of your arrival, there is a high possibility that this trip to a single mother is not exactly the place you once expected. But here you are. The turmoil that came to your family was tough. Picking up the pieces and moving on is difficult. The waves of sadness, loneliness, struggle and need come again and again. The journey will be even harder if you not only have to concentrate on healing your own heart, but also dealing with the sadness and anger of your beautiful children. Placing your own feelings on the shelf while we control a grief process for our children AND juggling the many duties of a single mother is emotionally, mentally and physically demanding.
This trip to the single mother is not easy and can sometimes feel like you barely keep your head above the deep water. But here you are. Still breathing. There is something to know with every breath purpose. You can still put your hand over your heart and feel it beat, which means you still have the purpose of being here. But how do you get this feeling of never taking a break into a life full of joy and actually enjoying the journey of bringing up children, despite the deviation from what was planned? Good question!
There is so much kindness and promise in the book of James that God gives us. Check out James 1: 2-3:
“My brothers, count all the joy when you go through different trials and know that testing your faith creates patience.”
Enjoy the exam.
Now you can look at the mountain that stood in front of you and you can see the purpose. You can see the lesson. This lesson was the one you needed to help you with all the other obstacles you would encounter. There was a purpose in the process. Embrace the freedom to know that God will clear it even in difficult times. The process creates joy that you would not otherwise know. How can we know God’s goodness if we have never experienced deep suffering, grief, trials and obstacles?
Remember what God did and that he is always faithful.
He will never drop us. (We can hang on the cliff for a while, though!) We can bend, but it will fully restore us and will not let us bend until it breaks.
Thank god for the exam. “Um, what?” Yes. Thank him There will be a point when “Count it all joy” speaks to you. The terrible marriage. The devastating breakup. The money problems. The shame. The embarrassment. The abuse. God will redeem everything. He will use every single need for his own good.
Romans 8.28 says, “And we know that all things work together for the good for those who love God, for those who are called according to His purpose.”
Yes there it is. God speaks of this! It doesn’t allow us to go through something that doesn’t serve a major purpose. The worst things we endure are used to catapult others to their victory as soon as we realize that God allows us to go through these things to shape us into the women He was meant for. It calls each one of us and we have to start looking at things as the big picture. We have to see ourselves as part of the whole.
Is it easy? Absolutely not. But is it worth it? Absolutely. You can do that! You can start looking beyond the pain. You can start to see the good in the bad. It is not a natural thing. It is a spiritual thing. Everything in your brain will fight the embrace of this need. It will be necessary to pray, study God’s word, and spend time with him. And let’s face it … it may take more time than you are used to.
Embrace the silence.
Turn off the radio in the car. Turn off the TV. Put down the phone. Hear what God is trying to say in the quiet moments. Letting go takes place in those moments when God’s voice is still low. It is not easy. It is not natural. It won’t happen overnight. But take your time. Start the work. There is joy in this single maternity season. The joy that every single hard moment could bring. These difficult times are a blessing. There will be someone on the street who needs your single motherhood story to complete his own journey! And what’s even greater is that they learn something about the amazing and abundant strength of this God you serve.
Facebook! Throughout the year, we host our #NoSingleMomWalksAlone ** LIVE ** events with the founder and CEO of TLSM, Jennifer Maggio! The great thing is that even if you can’t be with us live, you can see the replay and we come across topics just like this. You can find all of our videos HERE!