Ask any woman you know and she will be forced to make decisions. From a single corporate lawyer to a five-year-old mother who teaches at home. Decisions all day. Every day. For me personally, this severity only occurred in motherhood. Sure, I’ve always had a certain amount of fear of making big decisions and worrying about big changes. But nothing compared to the agony of seemingly subordinate decisions that will result in new maternity, sleep deprivation, and probably undiagnosed postpartum anxiety. Will my children end up in therapy because I chose the wrong preschool program? I mean honestly, I hope you do therapy because everyone could benefit but i doubt this will be the culprit. With the advent of corona virus, everything has changed.
But now EVERY choice is difficult
As states across the country open For business as usual compared to new normal decisions that didn’t give us a second thought, we all suddenly become a big deal. Shall we see our friends? Did they take social distancing as seriously as we do? What if someone posts an image on social media? Can I deal with the ridiculousness? Do I stay in social isolation until there is a vaccine? What to see with family What about school in the fall? Am I a sheep then? Is that a bad thing? Sheep are actually smart somehow. I like cotton. And we go round and round. All the uncomfortable conversations. Exactly there. Outdoors.
Social media: friend or foe
With all this “decision fatigue” that rests on our shoulders and doesn’t even address the economic and health effects of this crazy time in our history, many of us have stayed connected through social media. I am both incredibly grateful for it and sad to see what polarization it allows. I had wonderful zoom meetings with friends and family that I wouldn’t have done otherwise. I also argued on social media about my opinion that this would certainly not have happened personally.
I’ve seen people who I know are kind and caring are terrible to others. I have seen obvious selfishness and self righteousness. But also real signs of human decency. Something about the combination of the screen and keyboard breaks up any kind of social norms that we had previously learned. Combine this with an overwhelming feeling of disorder caused by the pandemic and people will tell almost everything online.
Some relationships may never recover
Overall, I am grateful for the connection that social media and technology enable, especially in times of social distance. But I believe that some relationships will never recover from the damage done during that time. Some of them took that time to set good boundaries, and now it was time to call a spade a spade. Others, however, make me sad to see good people competing against each other through fear in different costumes. In this way, one person copes with fears of losing jobs in one way and another with fears of illness under existing conditions in another way. We are all much closer to each other than we think. Everyone. I mean everyone is kind of afraid of the pandemic in one facet of the other.
Grayscale is more difficult
I was certain that there was a “way” to do things a few weeks ago. Although my thoughts were full of fear, it was much easier for me to understand the dichotomy. Now that things are moving into a gray area, any choice is difficult. As already mentioned, the choice is not just about being right for me, but also about being right for the people around me. If I care what others think about my decisions, probably less. But they have just resumed their elective surgery here, so I think the waiting list for a personality transplant will be a little long. People I love and respect are all in the comfort spectrum. This is a difficult place. And one that I think we can hover in for a while.
So what should we do about it?
- Make decisions we can live with.
- Once we have made a choice, give us grace and proceed with the choice.
- Have meaningful conversations with important people, even if we don’t agree with them.
- Use the snooze feature on Facebook.
- Give your opinion on where you have influence.
- Read back anything you enter as a comment before clicking Reply.
- Excuse me if you hurt someone.
- Show common courtesy in public spaces.
- Learn how to get information.
- In debates, ideas contradict the content of someone else’s character.
- Rest. Like actually taking breaks. Especially those who work from home.
- Build in little things to look forward to as there are so many big plans on hold.
- Make gratitude lists, but avoid comparative pitfalls.
- Set good limits.
Hopefully, if we look back in history books from that time, we can all make a list of what we have learned. The pause in our lives that made us take stock of what we value. Yes, parts of it were a real bitch, but we’ll make it through.
For anyone who has lost a loved one to coronavirus, I have you in my prayers.
I pray for all of you who have financial difficulties due to the economic impact.
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