Sometimes things happen when you don’t plan them. In dating, you can meet the apparently perfect person when that person is in a less than perfect situation.
This less than perfect situation is often accidental a recent separation. And sometimes there is a separation from a more extreme situation – a recent divorce.
If you ask the question, “Should I date a recently divorced woman?” Your friends and family may respond emphatically with a “NO WAY!”
You can think of a recently divorced woman as a walking red flag. And in some ways that can be a fair perception. Getting a divorce is basically like going through the worst separation times of a million. There is a separation of property and, if the couple had children, custody agreements and possible disputes that need to be resolved.
This doesn’t mean that divorce should also be a deal breaker. In America, more than 90% of people get married before the age of 50 and 40 to 50% of these marriages end in divorce.
Statistics like this show you that divorce is anything but taboo and that opportunities still exist today recently divorced women are anything but rare.
However, if someone has ONLY transitioned from married to single status, there are a few things to consider before making an appointment.
Don’t worry if the thought of entering into this kind of relationship is already pounding your pulse! I am here to help.
Below are some considerations and questions to ask yourself before deciding on a recently divorced woman.
Should I date a recently divorced woman? Things to watch out for …
How early is it too early
SPOILER ALARM: If she’s still technically married, it’s too early. If she’s not over it, it’s too early.
If your waiting wife says she was recently divorced, does she think divorce means separation? For your information, separation is a step towards divorce – it is NOT a divorce.
When you meet someone who is separated, it means that you are meeting someone who is technically still married. And meeting someone who is still technically married means it’s too early.
Divorce is – mostly – a heartbreaking situation, even if it was amicable and a long time coming. If you have never divorced, think about a time when you and a long-time friend decided to split up.
Even if the decision was mutual and the separation was amicable, you’re probably still in pain from the loss. This was a person whose life was intertwined with your own. Therefore, the transition from partnership to independence can be shattering.
Separation is a necessary precursor to divorce, and mourning the loss of a marriage, regardless of how right it is for both parties to end the marriage, is a natural part of the process.
It can also be natural to want to recover when your heart is broken. Conversely, certain people who have felt the end for months or even years before an official divorce decision may wrongly believe that they can return to the dating world before papers are submitted.
When you go out with a woman who is technically still married, you are doing yourself AND the future ex-husband a bad service. Remember that divorce requires a lot of logistics – paperwork, asset separation, etc.
Therefore, it is better and more respectful for everyone to wait until things are officially done and assets separated before dating.
Try to find out why she got divorced
One understandable – if necessary – question you may have when choosing a recently divorced woman is “what happened?”
This is a question that should be asked. Keep the following in mind when looking for an answer:
Is it intentionally vague when the topic arises? Or does the answer to a yes or no question lead to something that is completely free of “yes” or “no”, but leads to a rush of circular conversations where you have more questions than answers.
Tell Tale Signs
Sometimes there are obvious clues that let you know immediately that a recently divorced woman is lying, such as:
However, sometimes things are more subtle – to the point where you start questioning yourself and wondering if you are analyzing too much.
There is a feeling of fear in the pit of your stomach, but you think maybe you should just write it off and enforce it as paranoia. They don’t want to be judgmental or – worse – let something get away with it.
But if your gut triggers sirens for a five-alarm fire, it may be best to listen to your instincts.
According to a study published in Psychological scienceIntuition is a real and measurable thing (that’s right, you are NOT just paranoid). Using intuition in your subconscious mind can be a powerful tool if your conscious mind doesn’t have all the facts yet.
In other words, if everything about the situation causes you to keep an eye on the exit door, make your escape discreetly.
Was her divorce process ugly?
I don’t care how great the recently divorced woman seems – they don’t want to get involved in their drama tornado.
Do your conversations seem to be mostly about how terrible your ex is? Even though the divorce is complete, is the ex still in her life for reasons that are either out of her control or out of her control? And does she absolutely hate that she still has to deal with this toolbox?
If things are messy, you don’t want to get involved. Certain circumstances force exes to stay in the other’s life (either short or long term), but you want to date someone who has found common ground and found a way to live with his ex.
Another point to remember is that she chose him
If she’s talking about the man she’s spent a lifetime with, how solid are her decision-making skills?
Look for women who have agreed to separate, not women who keep talking about their exes. Smack Talkers reveal more about themselves than others.
How dangerous is your ex-husband?
We’ve talked about avoiding women who are involved in a seriously bad juju or are looking for dramas in a divorce – but what if the instability is due to the ex?
Sometimes divorce is the result of the darkest situation, and women can flee for their own protection.
Stalkers / psycho-exes who are NOT beyond their ex will not only destroy your potential girlfriend’s everyday life – they run the risk of becoming a primary target for the ex’s outrage.
No woman is worth killing. There is a high risk of meeting a recently divorced or separated woman. They could get caught up in their emotional whirlwind and if there are lots of bad juju, it can be safer to just let them go.
Don’t be a hero. There are professional resources to help people in these situations.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, call the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (for deaf or hard of hearing, call 1-800-787-3224) or visit thehotline.org/help for more informations.
History tends to repeat itself
Consider this before proceeding to the decision to date a recently divorced woman.
We are creatures of habit. Even if repeating a habit doesn’t seem intuitive, sometimes making the same wrong decision can be a lot more pleasant than making a change.
If a divorce has occurred because of woman’s infidelity, you run the risk of being cheated. That is not to say all People who have cheated in the past are textbook fraudsters, but a pattern is something to be careful about.
If she becomes so jealous and possessive that her ex feels choked, you run the risk of being choked.
Gather the right information and keep your mind on you.
Where does she stand with her ex TODAY?
Was the divorce mutually acceptable? If so, continue; If not, consider that a bad sign.
Divorce is not always synonymous with drama. A marriage that did not last is not necessarily a failure. People grow and change. Sometimes relationships – even marriages – can be fulfilling and useful for a limited period of time.
If circumstances cause both people to decide that the relationship is no longer serving them in a healthy way, it is entirely possible to continue by mutual agreement. These life lessons will positively fuel your next relationship.
Who initiated the divorce?
When it comes to meeting a recently divorced woman, it may be important to know who initiated the divorce to understand whether you should continue with the relationship or not.
If the man initiated the divorce, chances are that you are the rebound type. And bouncing back can be a common coping mechanism for many people.
Given that it takes a long time to complete a divorce, it is quite possible that the woman you meet will go beyond the divorce even if she was not the one to pull the trigger.
Do you need further help?
The decision to meet a recently divorced woman is just one of many anomalies you can encounter in the dating world. It is a difficult path no matter who you are – and I know that from experience.
If you need personal support for your particular situation, do not hesitate Book a new client Skype session with me today.
During our time together, we will break down your specific situation, create an action plan, and see if my three-month coaching program can help you achieve your dating and relationship goals.
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