I’ve been with this guy since New Year, so it’s only been a month. It’s going really well. I don’t usually believe in soul mates, but I feel that we are connected in a different way than I experienced before. So he ended a 3 year relationship in October and from the beginning of our relationship he said that he is not yet ready to start a relationship. He had booked a boy vacation and also says that he did not have the opportunity to speak freely to girls. However, he feels that we have an amazing connection and he wants a relationship and he can really see that we have something long term. I know that sounds silly. I know what most people would say and I know what I would say to myself. We are both very young, he is 20, I am 19. And I was in the same situation and left before. I just feel like this could be the person in my stomach that I should meet? I feel like he makes me a better person and now that I’m writing this, I think I’m trying to convince myself that staying with him is the right thing to do? I just need advice. Do men have this phase? He only had one girlfriend when he was 16/17. So I understand. But what do you think I should do? Help please !!!
Appreciate that you write and share your story.
The feeling of having a soul mate is rare and powerful.
I had it with Billie when I was 17.
I had it with Laura when I was 21.
I had it with Melanie when I was 30.
I had it with Eleanor when I was 31.
I had it with Lana when I was 32.
None of them turned out to be my soul mate. Everyone broke up with me. 3 of them are happily married, just like me.
I don’t want to tell you that this is impossible, like nothing is impossible. But the likelihood that this guy will be your guy for the next 60 years is extremely unlikely under the BEST circumstances considering your age and life experience.
And the probability that this guy is your soul mate under THESE circumstances is practically zero.
“He had a 3-year relationship in October and from the beginning of our relationship he said he was not ready to start a relationship yet.”
Believe the negatives, ignore the positives.
Believe the negatives, ignore the positives. If a man says he is not ready for a relationship, it means that he is not ready for a relationship. He will hang out with you, he will sleep with you, he will be wonderful for you, but he has already told you what he wants. It is up to you to take his words seriously.
“He had booked a boy’s vacation and he also says that he didn’t have the opportunity to speak freely to girls.” The fact that he gives his freedom to speak to other girls priority over your “soul mate” connection is the big red flag # 2. How many of them will we ignore?
“We are both very young. He is 20 I am 19. And I was in the same situation and I left before. I just feel that this could be the person in my stomach that I should meet?”
Your feelings are inaccurate for several reasons.
The divorce rate for marriages in which both are under 25 years old is 75% (this is from Elizabeth Gilbert’s book “Committed”. I can almost promise that all of these couples felt that they would also be together forever. That tells you …
The feeling in your gut is not very accurate at this point. Not more than mine. No more than 75% of young adults divorce. Your feeling is just a feeling – like being drunk or high or excited; It is temporary and does not say anything about your long-term compatibility.
So I’m going to share some middle-aged wisdom with you and I hope you can accept it.
You are 19 years old. Look back at you when you were 14. What did you know about life It’s negligible compared to what you know now, isn’t it?
Trust me: if you look back at 19-year-old Kacy at 24, you will think the same way.
And 29-year-old Kacy will shake her head at 24-year-old Kacy.
And 34-year-old Kacy will shake her head at 29-year-old Kacy.
After all, the shaking of the head usually stops, but only when you have a lot more experience and wisdom. Without denying your feelings, this is a time for you to explore and grow. If it means love, choose love for a man who is ready to love you as you deserve it, and not for a man who has already told you that he is absolutely NOT ready for it.