Relationships: expectations and conditional love 3/3 Spirtuality

Deep within, we have a distant memory of the unconditional love we once had – a memory of our beginnings that we all still yearn for.

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Most of human history is based on conditional love. And because of the limitations of conditional love imposed on our hearts and minds, conditional love has become the norm – to an extent that we can hardly remember unconditional love.

As a conditional love that has been exercised over the centuries and generations, it has manifested itself in our families, in the support systems of the community, and even in our religions.

Conditional love has also generated contradictory messages in us because people often praise the virtues of love but do not always uphold them.

We tell our children that we love or want what is best for them. However, this is often influenced by our limited perspectives based on our narrow perceptions, or we subconsciously add our need or perceived needs.

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And we were told that God loves us, but also that he is vengeful. So our psyche is plagued by conflicts over love. And contradicting messages about love confuse us about love.

Confusion about love – what is unconditional love;

How to give it – how to receive it

That is why our relationships are so difficult.

If we are negative or closed in any way; when we are angry, judgmental, desperate, pessimistic, etc.; or when we are in need, we are distant from the universal flow and, by default, adhere to the limitations of our human limitations. Our power base is weak and feelings of unconditional love are almost inaccessible.

Unspoken or misunderstood expectations cause many of our conflicts with others

Needy is one of the main causes of relationship problems. Needy creates expectations. If someone does not deliver what we expect or something that we had hoped for does not happen, we are disappointed, hurt, depressed or angry and react involuntarily.

We often give with expectations of mutuality and appreciation. Sometimes this is conscious and we expect a lot, but often also unconsciously Expect certain results, but in both cases we are hurt if they are not achieved. We don’t come from a place of unconditional love.

If our expectations are not met, we may feel that we are being exploited or we believe that life is not fair.

We could hold the other person responsible for our frustrations that lead to conflict in the relationship, since most of the time we haven’t even expressed our expectations, so our hurt feelings seem to come out of the blue while the other person has an unexpected rush of emotions receives.

We will still feel justified by our reactions – just because we feel bad, however, we have made assumptions – assumptions about which the other person had no idea. We live so much in our inner world that it seems alive – obviously. But it is not.

Others do not know what is going on in our heads, what contains our emotional world and what assumptions and expectations we have unless we express them.

And often we don’t pronounce them – simply because they are not even clear to us. They are just below the surface of our consciousness and whirl around in our emotional body to be satisfied.

~ Rosemary McCarthy ©, March 16, 2020.

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