You are enough. You have enough. You do enough. Take a deep breath … let go and live right now in the moment.
Angel and I coach a number of students, 2-on-1 and in small groups – and pretty much each of them is tough in some way. There is this underlying feeling of stress and pain that comes from disappointment, anger at yourself, or the constant belief that they are inadequate.
Can you refer to it? I think most of us can.
This is a fundamental problem that most of us face every day. We don’t love any essential aspects of us. We beat ourselves up. We are afraid of uncertainty because we don’t think we’re good enough to deal with it. We don’t dare because we have developed a negative self-image over the years. We get angry with ourselves for eating the wrong things, consuming too much alcohol, making mistakes in social situations, being distracted and watching Netflix or playing games on our phone, and so on. We are incredibly hard on ourselves and don’t like how we look or who we are, and it haunts us from the inside out.
Our feelings of self-doubt affect everything we do. It makes us more stressed, less happy, anxious, depressed, stuck, hesitant, less present in relationships, less focused, more inclined to grab comfort foods or distractions, or to shop thoughtlessly to relieve ourselves of the stress and pain of who we are , to comfort .
But if we could give ourselves Love and respect, it would start to heal all of this. Everything could shift. We could deal with uncertainty, chaos and difficulties much more resiliently.
Giving yourself love and respect is such an important act of self-care and is rarely done.
The memories you need
Remember wherever you are. Make memories of your fridge, your phone, your bathroom mirror, your desk or your bedside table.
The memories must convey a simple underlying message …
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
Now meditate on it for a moment.
When was the last time someone told you that he loves and respects you as you are and that what you think and how you feel means the world? When was the last time someone told you that you did a great job or, if necessary, that everything will be fine. When was the last time that “someone” was YOU?
Today is the day! It’s time to break the cycle of self-doubt and remember to treat yourself better! To reinforce your newly discovered “frugality practice”, here are some simple – but not easy – ways to actually apply it to different aspects of your daily life:
1. Be where you are.
Unfortunately, only a tiny percentage of the people in this world will actually experience their lives today. So many of us will be stuck in another day, time and place that troubled us and made us mentally stumble, and so we will miss life as we live it. Realize that. Do not allow your mind to soften or your happiness to be limited by a time and place that you cannot return to or a day that does not yet exist.
Remember no matter what You can always fight the battles of today. Only when you add the infinite struggles of yesterday and tomorrow will life become too complicated.
To be honest, before you know it, you will be asking, “How did it get so late so quickly?” Now take the time to find out for yourself. Take the time to see what you want and need at that moment. Take the time to love, laugh, cry, learn, work, and advance your current self.
2. Look deep inside yourself.
Remember that there is a place in you that you can go to at any time. It is calm and full of love. Forget the noise of the world that is reciting to you. Look inside. Go there when you’re sad. Go there if you are anxious, angry, or have problems. Get there when you are alone in your car in busy traffic or when you are surrounded by people who intimidate you. And don’t forget to go there if you’re happy too.
Remember that you are not your body. You are not your past or future. They are not what others expect from you. The essence of your being is love and it is now in you. Your mind is just waiting for you to remember it.
So go to this quiet place in the middle of you. Let yourself be swallowed up by deep love and serenity. Everything is always fine, even if it is not. Let go of the mind’s need to remind you of everything that is bothering you from the outside. You are none of it. You are at peace at this moment. To breathe. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 little things that make happy, successful people different.)
3. Speak it out.
Do you ever feel completely out of your element? Would you like to be spotted for the “scam” you are? This is what psychologists call the “fraud syndrome” – in which you constantly feel that everyone around you has their own action in common, but you do not. And the more others recognize your achievements, the more you feel as a forger. Because if you expand your knowledge – if you expand the scope of your knowledge – you will inevitably be exposed more and more to what you do not know, and so you can start to subconsciously discredit what you know. It’s a bizarre cycle.
Again, for many of us, impostorism is a natural symptom of acquiring expertise. As you ascend in life, you will inevitably meet more talented people with whom you can compare yourself negatively. The cycle never ends and we are all somehow involved. For example. I have personally written over 1,000 articles on marcandangel.com that have received millions of page views and social media shares and have been praised by a dedicated community of readers and students, but every time I post a new post I think: “Oh man, this time you will find out. “As if I’m a low-profile underachiever who doesn’t deserve to write or change his life.
The solution is to discuss it with a trusted friend, partner, or coach. Talk more about your insecurities and let them do the same. Admittedly, it is difficult to start a conversation. In the meantime, keep in mind that everyone sometimes feels like a scam – it’s not just you. (Note: Angel and I talk to each other individually and with immense sympathy with our students from Getting Back to Happy Course. And we would be grateful to also work with YOU.)
4. Release the tension.
One of the most difficult lessons in life is letting go. Whether feelings of guilt, anger, disappointment, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go. But we have to let go at some point. There is no point in thinking about what you cannot change. Stop rethinking it. Let it be and allow yourself to grow out of experience.
Perhaps you are annoyed with someone, frustrated at work, overwhelmed by all your obligations, or just upset about one aspect of your life. And your close mental understanding of the circumstances creates tension in your body and dissatisfaction in your mind. For this reason, Angel and I often recommend this simple strategy to our students who have difficulty getting rid of stress and tension:
- Now find the tension in your body.
- Take note of what you are resisting and trying to do – it may be a situation or person you are dealing with or avoid.
- Relax the tense area of your body – a deep breath and a quick stretch often help.
- Face the same situation or person, but with a relaxed body and mind.
Repeat this exercise as many times as necessary. Face the day with less tension and more presence. Change your way of being from a struggle and grasping to one of peace and freedom.
5. Give yourself credit.
Your inner light is seen. Your heart can be heard. Your mind is valued by more people than you imagine. If you knew how many others were touched by you in depth, you would be amazed. If you knew how many people felt for you, you would be speechless. You are much more brilliant than you think.
Stop discrediting yourself for everything you are not and give yourself credit for everything you are. There is infinite power behind you before you have endless possibilities, there are limitless possibilities around you.
Treat yourself to all of this …
- You lived
- You learned
- You have come a long way
- You have survived all your bad days
- You are still growing
6. Give space to things.
“If you want to control your animals, give them a larger pasture.” This is a quote that Angel and I recently heard at a meditation retreat in a group discussion about changing your mindset about things that you cannot or do not need to change.
I see “the animals” and their “bigger pasture” as a form of letting go and allowing things to be the way they are – instead of trying to control something closely, relax, give it more space, one larger pasture. The animals will be happier – they will walk around and do what they naturally do. And yet your needs are met too – you have more space to be at peace with the way the animals are.
The same philosophy applies to many aspects of life – Stepping back and letting certain things happen means that these things take care of themselves and your needs are met. You will have less stress (and less to do) and more time and energy to work on the things that really matter – the things you can actually control – like your self-care and your attitude towards everything.
7. Change your answer.
What can we do if someone around us is annoying, irritated, rude or just generally difficult? What can we do if we lose their negativity?
Provided that we are in no real danger and do not need to physically protect ourselves, the best choice is often a simple change of mindset. Instead of trying to change the other person, we change our response to them.
I know that this proposal can be frustrating for some people. Why should we have to make a change if it is the other person who is misbehaving?
However, the key is to understand that with a few simple changes in your mindset, you can find a lot more peace near everyone. However, if you try to change the behavior of others, you will only drive yourself crazy. This is illustrated by a metaphor that Angel and I heard about from a teacher in a group meditation class yesterday:
“Where could I find enough rubber to cover the rocky surface of the world? With only the rubber on the soles of my shoes. Think about it. It’s like the whole world is covered as I go. Likewise, I am unable to control external life situations, but I will control my own mind. What does it take to control anyone or anything else? “
This simple metaphor conveys the truth: The surface of the earth is rocky and difficult to walk on in most places. So we can try to find cover for the whole world – which is obviously impossible – or we can just cover our own feet with shoes with rubber soles and then walk peacefully wherever we want.
Likewise, we can either try to control the difficult people around us – another impossibility – or we can control our reactions to them.
So, When you feel negativity approach you, push it back with a thought: “This remark (or gesture or whatever) is not really about me, it’s about you (or the whole world).” Remember that everyone has emotional problems (just like you), and this sometimes makes them rude and thoughtless. They do their best or are not even aware of their problems.
Definitely, They can learn not to interpret their behavior as personal attacks, and instead see them as non-personal encounters (like the stony ground under your feet) to which you can either respond effectively when needed (by putting on your figurative shoes) or not at all.
It’s your turn…
Please leave a comment below and let us know the following:
Which of the above memories resonated the most?
Anything else to share?
We’d love to hear from you. 🙂
We also recently released our NEW podcast, THINK BETTER, LIVE BETTER (yes, it shares the title of our annual live event). You can now listen to the first 17 episodes on your favorite podcast player (M&A on Apple Podcasts. Spotify, and Google podcasts).
Finally our next year Think Better, Live Better conference will take place in San Diego next weekend, February 8-9, 2020. We have just released 2 more tickets that are currently still available (as long as they last).
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