What your physical symptoms can teach you about hidden stress Marriage Counseling

Stressed woman with her hands covering her face - what your physical symptoms can teach you about hidden stress

Over the next few weeks, I will be creating a series of articles that describe how controlling and unhealthy relationships with partners who are narcissistically wounded and / or emotionally immature can have a challenging impact on your health and your relationship with your body.

Today I focus on stress and your physical health – the connection between body and mind.

Practice Pilates – Back in 2021

I would like to live in the present and thank you for every day, but I am glad that we are until the end of January! At this time of year I can find it challenging. And I’m not alone. We’re leaving one of the most stressful times of the year behind us.

Where to start

The national divorce day is in January. According to the Holmes and Rahe stress scaleDivorce is the second most stressful life event, closely followed by separation from a partner. Then there is the oversupply of Christmas finances, tax returns, family tensions, disappointments, feelings of guilt for the New Year’s resolutions, which have already been marginalized, and concerns about weight, body and health.

And this time of year can also be notoriously difficult when you’re in a relationship with a controlling, narcissistic, or emotionally immature partner. There’s inevitably a drama.

Did you leave the stress behind?

According to Dr. Gabor Mate, MDand others in the field of trauma may not.

Mind Body Health

We often forget that our mind and body are connected. We are one body. What affects the brain affects the body. Emotional health is a major cause of physical illness, which Dr. Mate suggested and that plays a crucial role in everything Breast cancer against autoimmune diseases and many other chronic diseases such as multiple sclerosis (MS) and arthritis.

The work of Dr. Mate is controversial, but I find it fascinating. He does NOT suggest replacing clinical medical interventions with psychotherapy. What he invites is a certain curiosity about the effects of long-term stress on our body and the connection with illness.

We already know a lot about that.

Fibromyalgia Fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS) is a long-term condition that causes pain all over the body. The condition is often triggered by a stressful event, including physical or emotional stress. There is a scientific connection between eczema and stress.

Emotional stressors

One of the biggest things that make us stressed is fear of abandonment or absence of love. We are relational beings born to connect with each other.

Other important stress factors are emotional insecurity and a feeling of losing control.

These are some of the everyday realities of life in controlling relationships. You will feel stressed if you experience silent treatment, threats to end the relationship, or periods of sudden disappearance. You will feel stressed if you feel manipulated or obliged to primarily take care of your partner’s needs.

The reality of stress

The stress response is triggered when there is an actual or perceived conscious or unconscious threat. Maybe you don’t even notice that something is bothering you.

Stress affects every part of your body from the brain to the kidneys and muscles to the smallest blood vessels. We need a healthy stress response mechanism to maintain balance in the body. Without this balance, the body cannot function when threatened.

When we are stressed, the heart pumps faster, the blood is diverted to only supply important organs, the brain focuses on the threat and forgets everything it does not need, and the stored energy supplies are activated.

The body does not try to do everything at once. If you are stressed out, you may notice that you are forgetful and unable to concentrate, or you may lose weight because you forgot to eat or consume a lot of energy.

The body says no!

Cortisol and adrenaline are a necessary part of the stress response and the body’s attempt to stay balanced.

But if we have too much of these hormones, it is not good for the body.

High cortisol levels inhibit the body’s ability to heal wounds by suppressing the immune response. Perhaps this mistake that doesn’t move will turn into flu and you have to stop.

Increased adrenaline levels raise blood pressure. High blood pressure is associated with heart disease, kidney disease, and strokes. If you experience one of these things, you inevitably have to slow down or stop.

The body is designed for acute stress. But it is also intended to return to normal as soon as what we are stressed about is resolved. The problem is chronic stress. When there is either an actual persistent threat or a perceived threat, the hormones continue to flow. So if your partner continues to threaten to leave you and never does, or if he was physically abusive and you are understandably conscious, he could do it again – that’s it an undercurrent of stress in your life.

The likelihood is that it will be interrupted with periods of acute stress, i.e. H. Arguments, conflicts and dramas.

Your stress response may be triggered daily without realizing it.

Feeling too stressed

It is perfectly understandable if you do not notice that you have been triggered. In such relationships, it’s not uncommon for you to lose touch with your feelings. You don’t know what you’re feeling. If you suffer from gas light, it is likely that you have been conditioned to override your feelings. When you lose touch with your feelings, you lose touch with what’s going on in your body, i.e. H. Your body language. Then you may not even recognize that you are stressed.

Stress becomes the new normal.

As a result, you do not recognize the physical symptoms of stress. If you don’t notice, there’s nothing you can do about it. The pressure you can’t escape is helpless.

This feeling of helplessness can also have its roots in your childhood.

The stressed inner child

How you react to stress as an adult often reflects what happened to you as a child. This learned answer would be a mixture of the reaction to stressful situations and the reaction of your parents to you. For example, if your parents had high expectations of you and you wanted to please yourself and were aware of what it would mean to disappoint, stress would arise.

This is the internal stress that comes from having to adjust your self-confidence to fit or protect someone else.

If a parent is unable to make a dream come true for their child without letting them know that it would honor the child’s ambition for themselves, which may be different, it is stressful.

If your parents couldn’t let you know that it is okay to make mistakes and show empathy and comfort when you have done so, or that failure leads to growth, you should have found ways to deal with the problem as a child resulting stress.

Perhaps you have learned how to please people and put others’ needs first. You may have difficulty saying no. These are possible ways to deal with acute stress, but lead to undetected chronic stress.

The body remembers stress

The problem is that strategies like philanthropy are dealing with the current situation to suppress the stress. But if this is the standard method, the body will speak and let you know that it remembers that it is holding all this stress.

Then you get back pain. You haven’t noticed that your breathing is shallow. You don’t know that your attitude has changed. When you are stressed, your breathing patterns change your shoulders and cause stress and tension in your back. Severe back pain will make you stop.

You don’t recognize your stress and suddenly experience a migraine. A severe migraine will stop you.

Stress is something that most people will experience at one point or another. In addition to stress, there are other potential factors for your physical health, including your family history, hormone levels, diet, fatigue, environmental factors, and even certain medications.

However, the next time you have a physical symptom and check with your family doctor or doctor, you will notice what is going on in your relationship. How stressed are you

If your body could speak, what could it tell you?

Why are you ill?

Over to you

How is your physical health? What score would you give out of 10? If you are looking for a safe place to talk, find out your feelings, understand your stress symptoms, get in touch and book your first consultation.

Or call me today on 07535 864836.

Leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you.


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© Sandra Harewood 2020

About Sandra

Soul-centered counselor for couples, Sandra Harewood, specializes in working with couples and women with childhood injuries that affect their relationship with adults. Sandra offers her customers a soulful space to discover creative solutions to their difficulties and build a great relationship.

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