I have a flash of news: Nobody is perfect.
Okay, okay, we all knows That’s a fact, but why do we still judge and mock others, especially those who share their lives on social media. It’s very easy to look at a profile or blog and judge someone’s life. It is also very difficult to know someone from the filtered photos that show you their perfect life.
That’s why I never wanted to go on this blog.
One of my hopes for 2020 is to pull back the curtain of my life in a more raw and meaningful way that women, mothers, sisters, and friends can identify with. I want to share the triumphs, the failures, the heights and It’s something I’ve always striven for, but I’m still not 100 percent sure that I did an excellent job.
So I thought I would start this week with a list of things that unfortunately I can’t tell you. Nothing works here.
I see ghosts
I thought I was going to dive right into it. When I grew up in my house, I had a kind but malicious spirit who loved coming out in the middle of the night and being scared when I looked through my cosmetic mirror. Do I honestly believe in ghosts? Yes I do. But I don’t think that now that I’m older, I really see her so much and can stop myself from seeing her. From time to time, however, I also get debilitating visions. These visions occur when I do everyday activities such as For example, drive home from a meeting, zone Polly while walking outside, or take a bath. The visions range from my daughter falling off the changing table and breaking her head until I get into a terrible car accident. The visions are always really terrible. They were very bad after I had June and I know that this is a common postpartum event. But they happened before I had a baby and they have stayed since. It’s not something I like to harp on because it’s very uncomfortable to experience and it’s a symptom of PTSD.
I have panic attacks
I’m not necessarily afraid to admit that I have panic attacks. I’m afraid to tell you what happens when I have a panic attack. Although each one is different, I know that I tore my closet inside out (literally tearing off every single piece of clothing from every single hangar). I threw a huge block of ice on our kitchen floor and divided it into a million pieces. I also threw our garden furniture in the front yard. Most of my panic attacks end with trying to physically exert myself. My biggest fear in life is when it happens while I take care of June – which has also happened. Fortunately, Grant was always there to help me and I immediately move away from the situation that triggers me. I’ve learned a few tactics (e.g. pushing against a wall) that help me calm down. But it is definitely my most difficult mental fight lately and one that I am really working on to solve.
Pregnancy costs us
June was the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. June also cost my business and money. Believe it or not, as many of you may say, running your own small business means you are not getting real maternity leave. When you run a business in the fashion industry, you don’t always think that pregnancy is a good look. As a result, we lost a large part of our sales in 2018 / early 2019 and I never really talk about that. It’s a topic that frankly deserves its own blog post, as entrepreneurs and small business owners get an unfortunate toll on pregnancy. Only now, almost a year after the delivery, do my usual brands and partners want to work together again after they have determined that I am working full time again.
I am sorry
I wish I hadn’t waited until I was 36 to get pregnant. It was not only extremely stressful for my body, but now that we know and love June … I only wish we had known her longer. I know this is strange to say, but I only wish Grant and I turned our heads upside down and really tried to have a baby 11 years ago when we met.
My ADD is triggered
We have the saying “My ADS shoots today” on the days when it’s really bad. Overall, I’ve developed a strong management system for my life with ADS, but there are definitely days when I can’t do anything to help myself. My mind is racing a million miles a minute, my head is blurry with lists and ideas and opinions and feelings. When we met, Grant admitted that he never really chose ADD because everyone claims to have this disorder these days, and everyone seems to use it as an excuse for not being able to concentrate. But ADD is much deeper than a lack of focus. The symptoms also vary from person to person.
I don’t like my photos being taken
I know what you’re thinking. But when I started this website, it had nothing to do with taking a picture every day and sharing my outfits. Damsel in Dior started as a website with graphics, collages and shopping inspiration – that had nothing to do with me. When the industry changed, you insisted that you want to see what I wear, where I eat, what I do, etc. … so I shared my life. Never in a MILLION of years would I have thought it would develop that way. I never thought about another career because blogging was not a career choice at the time. I would say it was something I fell into, but that’s not true either. I worked my ass to create this website – and I’m happy to share my life. I just don’t like having my picture taken (ha!). I’ve never been the girl on a photo shoot that’s comfortable in front of the camera. I’m too self-deprecating to see myself as any model or anything like that. I just don’t like it.
So there you have it – a few things that I don’t want to share but that I did. Do we like these posts? Hate her Do you want more of them? I would like to make suggestions for topics you would like to read more about.
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