Part of the Kathy Caprino series "Today's True Leadership"
For the past eight years I've written this blog, and in my work as a career and leadership trainer and podcaster, I've had the opportunity to see hundreds of inspiring and uplifting executives, influencers, business and corporate experts, bestselling authors, creative people, the Pulitzer Prize and other winners and more. I'm connected to men and women who lead in the most uplifting and enriching ways and show qualities that bring people together to do truly amazing things. I have seen that these people have a special way of helping us to see and experience the highest vision of ourselves and the most positive and transformative view of the world around us.
But I've also seen the opposite – people who are fearful, manipulative, intimidating, cruel, split, narcissism and deep insecurity. Both approaches will certainly help to shape people's actions and beliefs, but only the first approach can actually bring about a lasting positive change that is beneficial all parties (not just a select group that feeds on the division and separation embodied by the negative leader).
Do you use sharp judgment as to who you follow as a leader in your life, work, family, and beyond? If not, they shape (and hurt) you without your knowledge.
Analysis of the behavior of executives who bring about a lasting positive change today compared to those who hurt people through their leadership, I've seen that there are five important behaviors that really great and positive leaders can never deal with.
Here are these five harmful behaviors:
# 1: Mercilessly yank someone who challenges him
As a trained therapist, I have spent several years delivering therapies to people from all walks of life (from the very rich and powerful to those facing extreme disadvantages and challenges in society). I've learned a lot about why we respond to others and why we act the way we do in our lives.
It is clear that anyone who tears anyone to pieces because he has challenged or labeled him "wrong" is deeply insecure. At the core they are very scared, Some people may think that it is a strength to break down your critics, but it is the opposite of strength. When you break down someone who challenges you, deep fear and uncertainty about your "image" and your concerns about your perception of people becomes apparent. And you are not strong enough to accept that you do not like everyone or agree with you.
Really strong people have done the work to regulate their emotions and get their fears under control. They are happy to be challenged because they know that they will learn from different angles and from people who disagree with them. And they do not tear anyone who has the strength to challenge them. They accept this challenge and grow from it.
# 2: Fighting to the death because you're trying to be considered "right" and better than others
The need to be always "right," "smarter," or "better" than others is a futile undertaking, and every great leader knows it. Leaders who are positively influencing know that the best leadership is based on the tremendous strengths, experiences, and brilliance of those around them and those who have come before to lead them powerfully. Just because a leader is at the top of the hierarchy does not mean that he has to know all the answers. They just can not and they do not waste their precious time being better or more capable than all around them and all those who were before them.
# 3: Spurn and smash the people they say they want to lead and influence
Great leaders will never mock and degrade the people who try to lead them. They are always respectful and polite in their speech, actions and communication and show (and rightly so) sympathy and understanding for the plight of those who lead them, no matter how different their views or life situations are.
# 4: Not held accountable if they make mistakes
Great leaders do not pretend they never did anything wrong. They stand up and acknowledge wrongdoing and mistakes in actions and judgments, and apologize if necessary. No one behaves impeccably and perfectly at all times. People um. Managers make big mistakes that dramatically affect the lives and work of many people.
If you never hear "I'm sorry for my mistake" from the leader you follow, you're in the hands of a person who never accepts his or her own responsibility for the situations caused by their leadership.
# 5: lies about the facts and the fake data to distort the reality of the situation
Obviously, there are times when leaders need to "shape" a message to limit the potential harm or impact of a crisis situation. In other words, if you are under the influence of a leader who completely lies, fakes data, and simply does not say any version of the truth, you have a leader who is willing to manipulate reality to get what he or she wants , And that is a very dangerous situation.
People who lie put themselves and their needs and desires before everyone else. Liar leaders make decisions for you without fully understanding the facts and how they affect you and your life. In other words, you are in the dark with this leader and do not get the data you need to make an informed decision about how you want to react or react.
Why do people follow a leader who demonstrates these negative qualities and is actually a harmful leader?
If you follow a leader (at work, at home, in politics, in economics, in science, etc.) who deals with these behaviors, I would like to invite you to ask yourself the following questions:
1) Why does it draw me to a person who divides and alienates people, instead of elevating and enriching them?
2) Why do I overlook the fact that this leader is lying regularly? What does that say about me?
3) Do I feel good with this leader because I have in the past passed over and felt unheard and unrecognized and he or she gives me the feeling that I am finally appreciated and understood?
4) Do I want to govern my life by principles of hatred and contempt for others, or by love and compassion?
5) Does this leader represent the characteristics of the person I want to become and the inheritance I wish to leave behind? What is this legacy that I want to create exactly?
6) Does this leader make progress toward the goals that are close to my heart?
7) Finally, can I imagine another type of person (or organization or work culture) that could lead more positively but still achieve the goals that are close to my heart?
The leaders you follow will inevitably influence your persona, including your beliefs and ideas, and they will also influence how you behave and relate to others and the world around you.
How would you like to appear in the world? Find out and follow leaders, organizations, work cultures and ecosystems that embody the highest version of you at their best.
Join Kathy in her Career Breakthrough Programs and join her training webinar. The Most Power You: Close your power gaps and rock your career at the highest level.
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