Are you flooded with documents that are verbal, such as: Litigation, child custody, child support, maintenance, mediation, petition, respondent, hearing date, decisions, solicitation order, etc.? Just reading these words is enough to raise your fear.
I remember a time when I did everything to avoid reading court documents and lawyers' letters. The place of them would literally be enough to stifle me.
It's hard enough to come to the realization that your marriage is over. The proverbial body is not even cold and you'll be beaten with a lot more than you can chew. Most likely, one of you did not even want the divorce, but suddenly it will be a race to reach the finish line. Whether you want to divorce or not, it's time to get to work and run your business like a boss.
Paralyzed by divorce papers?
The following is on your task list:
1. Get away from the mindset of the victim. You can not do business if you reveal your emotions and put them in debt mode. See this with different eyes. Look like it's a business and you and your business partner have to split up because the partnership no longer serves your vision.
I know that may sound cold and unconnected, but for the moment you have to practice the replacement, at least until you find your strength again. You have invested your energy in this marriage and now have to vigorously break away from it and regain control. If you want to know how to cut power cables Click here for my blog post,
Second Enter a new "business partner". Someone you can trust, who helps you to see things without all the emotional baggage. It can be a friend, a family member, a coach, a mentor, and so on. Anyone who can be a pillar of strength for you and help you with your business. I can not say enough for the people who helped me in this difficult time.
I remember letting documents and e-mails sit for days with knots in my stomach and thought: "I'm not suitable for that." I could not avoid that, but until I could find my strength, I needed support.
Be careful not to just leave anyone on your team. For whom you decide, no fuel should be thrown on an already burning flame. They should be able to leave their own emotions at the door and release themselves from the exit. That's how lawyers do their job. You really have no personal investment in your divorce. They are there to help you move through the process. This is exactly what you need, someone who will help you to master this process and not cling to it.
You can certainly get help from your lawyer in this process, but in my experience this is very costly and you will be just one of the many cases in which you sit on your desk. After all, this is your livelihood and your family, so make sure you go over everything with a fine comb. There were many moments in my lawyer's office where they talked to me and went through all the documents, and I left the office without knowing what had just happened.
There were times when I just needed someone to sit by my side and tell me everything would be alright. Or just sit down with me while I read through the emails.
Third Allow yourself to practice self-love and self-care. You may see things on the documents that are emotionally heavy. There may even be lies or elaborate versions of situations that make you that dreadful person. Suddenly, the person with whom you once shared a life becomes a person to "protect" from.
It is a shame that people feel they need to protect themselves rather than heal themselves, but in my experience the dishes are not designed for healing. Healing is a personal journey that belongs to you and you alone.
Self-love can happen when you change your intentions from defense to healing. Defense is a distraction. Defense is an external task, it is outside of you. Healing, on the other hand, is inwardly. My healing started with the question, "What do I need in this moment? What did I neglect? How did I get here? What else needs to be looked at? How can I give myself more love and compassion? "
I remember being in a constant combat and flight mode. There was no rest because my mind was racing at every opportunity. I was in protection mode. I survived and tried to navigate in a world where I did not feel safe. If we do not feel safe, it's all about.
At this time you need a loving care. Try to find things that will fill your gas tank when you are empty. Believe me, I know that's hard, but you have to find moments of joy between all the chaos. Find things you can do to free yourself from the heaviness for a moment.
4th Use this time to think. I love the saying how you do something is how you do everything. These papers, documents and orders made me powerless. This powerlessness not only occurred during the divorce process. It had been there all my life and I had to face it when I had no choice.
So, what else are you running for and why? What else do you avoid? Avoid conflicts at all costs? Are there any other situations that have taken away your power? It's time to go deeper and see where this still crops up in your life.
5th Change your language! Her words carry so much power. Whatever you say becomes your reality. I want you to be very attentive about what words you use to describe your experience. If you like a language; that's exhausting, I feel paralyzed, I do not think I can do that, that suffers I, I do not have it in me … this becomes your reality.
I understand we are not all made to be lawyers. And yes, this process is changing you. But you are so much stronger than you think. Even if you do not believe it right now in your body, you should pronounce affirmations that enable you to change your mindset.
Say affirmations every day! I AM STRONG. I CAN DO THIS. I am brave. NOTHING TAKES MY POWER AWAY. I WILL BE LOVED. I AM FREE. I am guided.
You can not see it now, but divorce, when treated with self-love, has the ability to grow you like nothing else, but only if you're able to point your finger inward. You have the opportunity to see where your triggers are and to heal them. I am firmly convinced that there are no winners or losers in the divorce, but only ways to heal and grow.
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