Anger and impulse control Marriage Counseling

In general, impulsive behavior can be defined as the tendency to act automatically or habitually with minimal effort. Impulsiveness is a thoughtless act driven by the need to satisfy an immediate urge or need, but without foresight and consideration.

When we master our impulse, we can overcome or resist an urge, a temptation that can hurt oneself or others. In other words, the impulse often produces negative consequences. In order to avoid the negative consequences, it is important to recognize the impulse early enough (sensations, feelings or thoughts), to pause and patiently stay in the unpleasant room before taking a measure that we might later regret.

Every angry situation is an opportunity for impulse control. Each time you become aware that your anger reacts calmly to it, it improves your momentum control mechanism and brings you closer to mastering your anger and other impulsive behaviors.

Impulses and emotions typically have a specific conditioning that may cause situation-specific action tendencies. Anger, such as hunger, sex and pain, is an impulse that creates a strong urge to react with limited perspective and flexibility.

Anger is an impulsive response to a threat that initiates self-defense. Accordingly, when you get angry, blood will flow out of your brain and flow to your hands. Anger automatically mobilizes bodily actions without thinking. Not surprisingly, during rage episodes, we "lose our minds" and become physically strong yet mentally weak.

The gap or space is what, metaphorically, the spark between the impulse and the aggressive behavior metaphorically can be the flame between the impulse. The biggest challenge is to become aware of this space and to observe what is happening in this gap. Most people are unaware of the spark in front of the flame. They automatically deal with emotional behavior. People who are more psychologically oriented and meditate regularly and for a long time can see what happens during the gap. They can, to a degree, only observe the emotions without getting involved and reacting.

Victor Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, said: "There is a space between stimulation and reaction. In this space is our power to choose our answer. Our answer is our growth and our freedom. "

When we feel anger, we are often tempted to automatically justify and respond to the anger. When we do that, we create a vicious circle that only adds fuel to the flame that amplifies our anger. But what if we could interrupt this pattern? It's so easy to train yourself to pause. Instead of reacting quickly, as we are used to, we can stop, take a deep breath and just pause. This creates the space we need to gather and react consciously. Improving our awareness and taking care of the details of the sensory experiences and the space between these experiences helps to regulate our emotions and relieve stress. Break learning helps us to calmly and carefully accept difficulties, delays and irritations.

Notice and pause are the first steps to slow the flow of anger. Their goal is to increase the gap between the stimuli and the response, between the feeling of anger and the plot – if only by a nanosecond. In this gap, you remain with your anger without being abducted by it and react impulsively. Although it is not easy to interrupt and practice at first, you can separate both the trigger of the anger and your reaction from the cause.

The reality is that evolution has not provided us with the tools to counteract the fundamental part of our emotions when it reaches a higher level. We all have the degree that I call the "point of no return" that we can no longer hold back and react to – the trigger is too overwhelming and the emotion that presses us to react is too strong.

So how can we feel our anger impulse as it arises, progresses and dissolves? Evolution also provides us with the prefrontal cortex that separates us from the rest of the animals. It offers us additional opportunities for self-regulation and impulse management. The prefrontal cerebral cortex deals with complex attentional and organizational abilities, including following rules, justifying, retaining impulses, and making decisions.

You can take a break by learning to recognize the first signs of this anger and eradicating them before they explode. Consciousness to calm disgruntled impulses stimulates the brain to release endorphins, chemicals that inhibit pain or discomfort associated with the "fight-or-flight" response, and inhibit aggressive responses.

The impulse control is intentional and requires cognitive resources and conscious awareness. Instead of automatically responding to our impulses, we can stop, take a deep breath and stay in the room between stimuli and reactions. Once we do that, we can use up our perspective and strive to evaluate alternatives and improve our responses.

By improving your self-esteem and mindfulness, you draw attention to your core self while focusing on the present moment. Try to observe what is going on in you, observe your thoughts, feelings and drives and how your body feels when you are impulsive. Be careful with the verdict. At first, the process of mindfulness may not be easy, but with practice, you can begin to learn more about your triggers and find out what triggers your impulsive behaviors.

Another way to control impulses and emotional regulation is to mark your urges, thoughts, and emotions. Labeling identifies and names a specific emotion. Expressing feelings activates thinking and helps you to control yourself. It actually reduces the intensity of the emotions. By labeling, you practice identifying what you feel and can neither suppress nor detail what you are experiencing. As Dan Siegel says, "call it to tame it."

Too often we identify with our negative emotions. We say to ourselves, "I am an angry person" or "I am a concerned person" and therefore treat the obstacle as fixed. This enables us to repeat the same patterns. The descriptive and non-judgmental labeling of emotions leads you away from identification and attachment. It allows you to break through to a higher level of consciousness.

If you notice an urge, name it in your head and pronounce it better. For example, "Here's trouble and I want to criticize my spouse." After you realize the urge, practice mindful self-coaching: "I need to relax," or "try to stay calm," or "Express my feelings, without whipping "a supportive, compassionate and encouraging voice. For example, if you struggle with impatience, you might say, "It's hard to wait, but see if you can be a little more patient now."

Individuals need to be aware of their responsive focus on different situations and take responsibility for their behavior, especially for their impulsiveness. You can also understand that it is in their power to change their automatic destructive response. When you react, you are bound by the situation. They suffer from a roller coaster ride of emotions that is based on the particular situation and. They are controlled by circumstances and events and feel like victims. The only way is to react impulsively. However, as you become responsible, confident, and attentive, you can turn your victim mentality into an empowerment mentality.

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