I was recently told that I emotionally abuse my child.
No seriously. I was told that I emotionally abuse my child. As ridiculous as this statement was, when she looked at the source from which she came, I decided that I should investigate why they would make such an accusation.
It's no secret for those who know me that I've been struggling lately with my daughter diving headfirst into Tween-Hood. We dealt with hiring problems, problems at school, problems with grades, MUT, etc. This may seem pretty typical of a child of this age.
During most of my daughter's life she spent her time in my house. I was the main parent. She and I had an amazing mother-daughter relationship. We talked about everything, shared everything and promised to be honest with each other. She was even a guest in my podcast!
Recently, however, we moved to leave her father for a week. Changing our schedule, attitude, and mood was difficult for me to handle. It just happened overnight, not a little girl anymore – instead moody!
Although I know that I should not do it, I have personally taken many things that happened between her and me. I felt that her desire to spend more time in her father's house was a reflection of me. How she did not like to be with me anymore. I felt like I lose my little girl.
Where I made my mistake was posting about how I felt on my Instagram account. My daughter saw, and it hurt, her feelings. Which was never my intention. I would never try to hurt my daughter on purpose. But I did. And maybe I wanted her to unconsciously feel bad, like me.
So I deleted my Instagram account. I never want to attack my daughter because I'm hurt, even if it's unintentional or unconscious.
This is the reason why someone thinks that I am emotionally abusing my daughter? Because I accessed my social media platform. I expressed my feelings and how I hurt myself finally wounded my daughter. However, it is not an abuse, but a mistake made in an emotional time.
But that made me think …
Why may mothers have no feelings?
I am a very emotional person but for many years I have kept all my feelings to myself. Getting to the heart of how I felt to keep the peace. As a kid, I did it to make sure I did not upset my stepmother. Then as an adult to try not to upset who I saw at the time. (Which meant that I was regularly treated like crap and just took it),
I continued as a parent and did it to be strong and independent. I set up a front so my kids would not know how sad, angry or worried I was. Hold my feelings in a small box and push deep into me. I had neither the time nor the ability or support to deal with these annoying feelings.
When I expressed my feelings, I was often referred to as "emotional" or "unstable" or I lost it. I was told that I overreacted or that I had to grow up. Everything, because I FINALLY got up for myself or expressed how I felt.
Why should we as mothers no longer be human? Are we all the sudden should have no feelings? Is not it possible that our children can hurt us to the core? Or that our husbands, friends, family or friends make us feel like crap?
Shake it off easily …
If they do, shall we shake it off? Do you act as if it does not matter that everything is alright, even though we are hurt inside?
Just because we are mothers does not mean that we stop feeling the same feelings we used to have In front We had children. We are still human. We still make mistakes. I mean, we really do not try, but we do it sometimes.
I have spent years keeping my feelings and emotions to myself – always setting up a front. It led me to an almost emotional collapse and a significant depression. It is not healthy to always show happiness to others. Mothers are still human and we need to treat each other better.
I decided some time ago that I would no longer bottle my feelings and emotions. When I get hurt, people know that I'm hurt. When I get angry, people know that I'm angry. I will always talk about how I feel and why I feel that way – especially with my daughter. Because I really think that this is the only way to bring about change.
Always speak your truth!
always Say your truth – I tell her. It is important to do your own mental health. It may not always be fun, it can be very, very heavy – and you can hurt or upset others' feelings. I know that things that I have said and done have upset my daughter. It was never done out of spite or malice – not on purpose.
I also know that many things that my daughter said and did injured me unintentionally. However, I would rather know how she feels and processes herself through the emotions than that she feels inwardly miserable and tries to keep me in a good mood.
It's also important to me that she knows how I feel. Like me communicate and how I express that what I have to work for. Making mistakes is human and all of that is part of the learning process for me. (Especially now that I have a tween!)
I live my life and try to be emotionally authentic and I hope she can.
I do not think that this is abuse, not in the least.
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